Astrology is something I would like to be an expert at! Astrology is about stars and constellations, I think. (joke) No wait, that's Astronomy! Astrology is REALLY about how if you are born certain times, you get an animal and it "determines" what kind of person you are. This is why people who are born at the EXACT SAME TIME turn out to be twins!
If I were an expert I would guess that the "science" of astrology (the "ology" means science, and "astro" is... the Super-Dog? Weird!!!) has something to do with the weather. If you were born in the winter, that means that your mom got pregnant around the previous spring! It is always exactly nine months, which is why there are people being born every day.
ARIES is a "ram" (a goat) and is the first astrology you can have. "Arieses" love to run around and get into trouble. He does a lot of things! Sounds fun, but scary.
TAUROS is a bull. But instead of charging around into things, THIS bull loves stability and keeping things normal!
GEMINI is a... twins? THAT'S not an animal!
CANCER is a crab. I don't want to have HIS name. Cancer has a lot of love, and likes to stay in his "shell" (their home).
LEO is a lion (wow!) Lions are "extroverts" which means they have "extra feelings." Oh my!
VIRGO is "a virgin." Wow, REAL ORIGINAL, zodiac (the name for the astrology thingy). Modest? Now you're just making fun!
LIBRA has "the scales." They are nice and gentle... not like the lizards I know!
SCORPIO is "the scorpion." Jeez, what is up with these names? Scorpions are quiet and "withdrawn..." until they STRIKE"
SAGGITARIUS is the archer. They're really positive and creative! Then why do they shoot arrows at people?.
Hilarious!
Capricorn is a goat. Wasn't there already a goat? Couldn't they even come up with TWELVE animals? They're serious and independent, the EXACT OPPOSITE of the other goat! The astrologers must have forgotten halfway through. If I were an expert, I'd change Capricorn to a penguin, or Aries to a bull.
AQUARIUS is a "water carrier." A camel, I guess? They're helpful AND attractive. Wow, I guess I like Aquarius!
PISCES is "the fishes." I don't know why more than one. I guess if you are born in Gemini or Pisces times, you will be twins? That doesn't make a lot of sense to me! Anyway, Pisces tend to be popular cause they aren't bossy. I wish my dad were a Pisces!
What's your astrology? Can you guess what mine is? It should be obvious if you carefully read my blog post here!
Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts
Monday, October 25, 2010
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Hopes and Dreams #3: No More Prostitutes
Today I would like to come out (nooooo, not like that) on a very special issue to me. I am speaking of course of the horrible truth that people are prostitutes all over the country, and probably others too.
It is my hopes and dreams that some day the police and the government will stop people from being prostitutes. Because there are prostitutes, people think it is too easy to get sex or that they can get sex by spending money. These people are not in love! Also, these prostitutes are charging a whole lot of money. This way some people who are "addicted to sex" are spending all of their money on prostitutes or "hookers" who are not their wives, and that leaves their wives and children without any money for food. Why do people do this if they have their wives? If their wives are too ugly or don't want to have sex with them, why were they married in the first place? These problems are nonsensical, and could be solved by getting rid of the prostitutes.
Meanwhile, these prostitutes or "whores" are getting a whole lot of money from prostituting (is this a word? I'll have to ask a police officer) themselves, much more money than they could make from a lawful job, like a waitress, or even a stripper (middle ground??). I've heard that they spend a lot of this money on prostitute outfits (feathers, bras), alcohol, and even drugs, a lot of the time. Many prostitutes claim to be drug addicts, but this is a poor excuse. If they were made to stop being prostitutes, they wouldn't have any more money to buy their drugs with, so they would go through "withdrawal" and not be addicted to drugs anymore.
I would like to point out that men can be prostitutes too! They just do the opposite thing, and are harder to find.
I do not think that it would be hard for the police officers to get rid of all the prostitutes. The problem is that many of these police officers, and even their bosses in the government, use prostitutes to have sex. This is almost a form of "lobbying" that prostitutes do. It is definitely like "lobbying" in that the prostitutes let people onto their "ground floors"!
But no, I shouldn't joke about prostitutes.
With all my hopes and dreams,
Matthew Elpiejumpers
It is my hopes and dreams that some day the police and the government will stop people from being prostitutes. Because there are prostitutes, people think it is too easy to get sex or that they can get sex by spending money. These people are not in love! Also, these prostitutes are charging a whole lot of money. This way some people who are "addicted to sex" are spending all of their money on prostitutes or "hookers" who are not their wives, and that leaves their wives and children without any money for food. Why do people do this if they have their wives? If their wives are too ugly or don't want to have sex with them, why were they married in the first place? These problems are nonsensical, and could be solved by getting rid of the prostitutes.
Meanwhile, these prostitutes or "whores" are getting a whole lot of money from prostituting (is this a word? I'll have to ask a police officer) themselves, much more money than they could make from a lawful job, like a waitress, or even a stripper (middle ground??). I've heard that they spend a lot of this money on prostitute outfits (feathers, bras), alcohol, and even drugs, a lot of the time. Many prostitutes claim to be drug addicts, but this is a poor excuse. If they were made to stop being prostitutes, they wouldn't have any more money to buy their drugs with, so they would go through "withdrawal" and not be addicted to drugs anymore.
I would like to point out that men can be prostitutes too! They just do the opposite thing, and are harder to find.
I do not think that it would be hard for the police officers to get rid of all the prostitutes. The problem is that many of these police officers, and even their bosses in the government, use prostitutes to have sex. This is almost a form of "lobbying" that prostitutes do. It is definitely like "lobbying" in that the prostitutes let people onto their "ground floors"!
But no, I shouldn't joke about prostitutes.
With all my hopes and dreams,
Matthew Elpiejumpers
Monday, October 18, 2010
If I Were An Expert #1: Biologist
I've been thinking a lot lately about "experts." What makes an expert? I don't know. All I know is that talk shows and the news love to "bring in" "experts" to talk about subjects that most people don't think they know much about. A lot of these experts have really different opinions, so it makes me wonder whether some of these experts are really using all this expert knowledge they're supposed to have.
("Expert" is a weird name. Did they used to be pert? "Expert" sounds like something a sad aging man would call his wife)
Anyway this makes me think I should do a "blog column" about the things I would say if I were an expert. First I am going to be an expert biologist.
If I were an expert biologist I would believe in evolution. I have heard that there is a lot of evidence that people used to be monkeys and monkeys used to be fish and that fish used to be germs. I am still confused about where the germs came from, though. Maybe Adam and Eve were germs? I don't want to bring other people's religions into my expert argument, so let's just say that the germs evolved from smaller dumber germs.
If I were a biologist I would think that having sex is okay. There are lots of good reasons to have sex which is why our brain wants to do it so much. There is a whole "reproductive system" so that we can! That would be like saying that it is not okay to eat, even though we have stomachs. There are other things that we don't have systems for, like murder or pollution. Those activities are not right so we did not "evolve" parts of ourselves that do those things.
What questions would you ask a biologist, or what biological facts do you know? Tell your "friends" they can leave comments too!
With all my hopes and dreams,
Matthew Elpiejumpers
("Expert" is a weird name. Did they used to be pert? "Expert" sounds like something a sad aging man would call his wife)
Anyway this makes me think I should do a "blog column" about the things I would say if I were an expert. First I am going to be an expert biologist.
If I were an expert biologist I would believe in evolution. I have heard that there is a lot of evidence that people used to be monkeys and monkeys used to be fish and that fish used to be germs. I am still confused about where the germs came from, though. Maybe Adam and Eve were germs? I don't want to bring other people's religions into my expert argument, so let's just say that the germs evolved from smaller dumber germs.
If I were a biologist I would think that having sex is okay. There are lots of good reasons to have sex which is why our brain wants to do it so much. There is a whole "reproductive system" so that we can! That would be like saying that it is not okay to eat, even though we have stomachs. There are other things that we don't have systems for, like murder or pollution. Those activities are not right so we did not "evolve" parts of ourselves that do those things.
What questions would you ask a biologist, or what biological facts do you know? Tell your "friends" they can leave comments too!
With all my hopes and dreams,
Matthew Elpiejumpers
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)